When I think of the abundance I have in my life there are of course a number things that come to mind. My health. My path and all the beautiful places and people I have encountered along the way. My spiritual work. The teachers i have met. And so on. There is truly so much to be grateful for. I could go on and on and on and I can wholly say that I feel so abundant with what my life has offered me even at the age of 27. When I look back on my life and what it has amounted to in this moment,
I am proud of the person I have become.
I am so grateful for every breath, heart break, every sleepless night, challenge, triumph and journey. I felt the highs of a crowd singing with souls wide open. I have curled into a ball and felt completely alone in emotional release. I have climbed the Archways of God and seen the wonders of nature as I let my voice ring across mountain tops and through starry nights. While I may forever be writing what I want to be when I grow up, my greatest goal is to continue to live a life that I am proud of. To continue to pursue my truth. To keep my heart open and to love. To find purpose with my energy and to remember to trust the flow of the universe.
"..Trust the medicine. Trust your elders. Trust yourself. Repeat..."
As I reflect on and close out my 2018, I have to admit that I’ve been pretty hard on myself here recently. I’ve slumped into the judgemental and unforgiving part of my mind. While I never lost hope for myself, I did allow my focus to drift from a heart centered place to a vibration that at times was truly challenging. However, when I look back on my most recent 6-week visit back to my parents’ house I can honestly say that it has been truly beautiful. The type of beauty that isn’t necessarily filled with huge life events or pivotal moments. For all intent and purpose this has been a pretty regular time with my dad, mom, uncle, and two cats with the occasional visits with my sister, Bailey, my brother-in-law, Taylor, and their sweet daughter, Willa. While this isn’t the longest I’ve visited home at any point in time, it is the longest I’ve spent with my parents in quite some time, specifically at these exact moments in our lives.
A lot of times I feel down on myself by how often I squat at my parents house. It usually occurs at the end of one of my extended travels where my bank account is slim and the path ahead isn’t always clear. Visits for me have often been integration times between big moves in my life. The visits typically begin the same with a week of my dad and I triggering each other about how differently we see the world only for us to find that we actually have a lot more in common with each other than either one of us even realized. All the while my mom carries on with her routine of finding her personal peace and grounding after work to the excitement and joy about her upcoming adventures and retirement. My Uncle Doug pops in here and there to either snap a quick joke or engage in a philosophical discussion about life, how we experience it, and what is beyond our own imagining. And the kitties, Sam and Max, offer their sweet and spunky personalities that bring laughter, play and cuteness for all. Visits with my sister and family are always uplifting due to the bright light that is my 2-year-old niece, Willa, and the excitement she brings to all of our lives.
With each year that passes in my life, this visit home has been unlike all the others. I’ve had the opportunity to experience each person in their own beautiful processes on how they experience their lives all the while I have personally engaged in a deep process and reflection of the past year and a half of my life.
It’s interesting to observe the generations in the family. To my knowledge my eldest living relatives are my Nana, Great Uncle Jeff and Great Aunt Myra, and my Great Uncle Herbert. I continue to be blessed by the elders in my life and am inspired by them most when I write my stories. I am truly proud of the family I come from.
Over the past couple years the generations have started to shift. With the birth of my niece, Willa, and the recent death of my father’s dad whom I called “Granddaddy”, my sister and I carry on the love of our family as we build our families. I am so proud of my sister and the family she has built. I’ve got a beautiful baby niece who I truly look forward to seeing grow up.
I am also proud of the family I have built too. While it may seem un-orthodox to some, the “soul family” as we like to say, that I have acquired over the years has brought so much love and joy into my life. None of us may know fully how all of this is going to work out but I am so grateful that we are doing it together. I am so grateful for the trust that we have in the universe and the care that we hold for the next seven generations to come. From my blood family to my extended soul family, I feel truly blessed and eternally abundant.
While none of us know what the future holds I can say with certainty that when I am in my elderly years I will be grateful for the odd months where I plopped down at my parents house for my typical extended visits. I will feel lucky even at the age of 27 for the relationships I have built with my family, myself, and the world. I will breathe deep breaths of gratitude as I ponder memories through pictures and text. I will look at my growth and be so proud of the work that I have put into my communities all over this planet. And even then I will continue on with the curiosity of the bright-eyed starseed that I am. I will still be left speechless at each sunset and sunrise. I will still close my eyes to hear the crackling of a camp fire, the chirping of the crickets, the rushing of the rivers. I will still breathe deeply and place my hands on the trunks if ancient trees.
Abundance comes from recognizing that even the energy we put into today will bless our lives in the future. Every breath that we take, calming ourselves from the hardships of life will hold meaning in to our future selves. Our lives are ever changing and ever evolving and each choice truly offers us a new beginning whenever we so choose.
May we each feel the deepest gratitude for all that our lives have offered us. May we dream big and open our hearts fully to our growth has individuals and as our roles within our families and communities. May we face the challenges of our lives with ease and grace knowing that the strength of our hearts is so much more valuable than the money in our pockets. May we give more. May we love more. May we finally see at the end of the day that the quickest way to cultivating abundance is deciding to actively participate in our lives with radical acknowledgement and deep gratitude for all that life has offered us thus far. Once we give ourselves that reflection, that recognition...we will see that our fears and our struggles were the necessary building blocks to our truth and that we are right now in this moment so abundant.